She'll ask questions, too, but the clerk is unfortunately just a cluck, in most cases. The clerk is unable to answer any question regarding bedding with any degree of sensibility or knowledge, and while pretending for whatever reason to be informed, will probably mislead most people with answers that are completely wrong.



When measuring for the pillow-top mattress and box-springs, the prudent housewife will know in advance the measurements for the king, queen, full double, and single beds. She will translate the numbers with a computer stored somewhere between the female limbic region and cerebellum of her brain into images that only she can understand. Out shopping, she'll know all the right bedding questions to ask at the mattress stores, and will coordinate delivery of a new mattress with the precision of a military attack. Any mistakes will not go unnoticed, and points will be deducted from the delivery man for not following every instruction, perfectly. But he will leave with heaps of praise for a job well done, when he has gone the extra mile and set up her new bed along with the mattresses he's delivered.



When the delivery van is gone, the home decorator will take out the sheets she has already washed and spread them out on the beds. She'll immediately know if she has made an error in judgment, but chances are that she has not. After tucking the sheets in and removing any wrinkles, she'll throw the comforter out in the air and it will as if by magic float down at all four corners of the bed, in a perfect rectangle. The pillows will be next to receive the pillow cases that transform them from dull white into bold expressions of beauty. They'll dot the bedscape with splashes of color at the top, soft malleable stones that lie in wait to be used. Now the bedroom is transformed, and she'll stop at the door on her way out to turn and admire the beauty she has created. After dinner and a movie, she'll return to see her work again, before turning out the lights and going to sleep on a mattress that has the perfect bed length.